i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
