There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
