If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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