brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
