Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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