Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize