I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
