Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize