Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
