can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
