she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
