Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
