found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
