I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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