Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
