Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
