i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
