Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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