Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
