When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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