Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
