We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The adults are the big ones right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
