i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
