im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize