I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
