Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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