Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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