my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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