So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
