she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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