Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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