i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
