I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
