meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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