you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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