after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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