He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
