we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
