Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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