Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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