i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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