He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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