i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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