i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
