I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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