Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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