I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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