420 ftw
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone shattered a urinal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
