Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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