i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
