Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize