Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
