I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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