Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
