I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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