Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
