Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
BRING THE BAGELS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
