His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
