So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
