I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
