this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
