sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
