I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
