Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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