well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
