It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
