..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
