Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize